A cup of comfort.. or maybe not.

 Today while mindlessly browsing the book store, I picked up a book titled "A Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Autism" It was one of those "Chicken Soup" knock off books. I purchased it thinking it may have some touching stories in it that would provide me with a bit of "comfort". Lately, I've really been having a hard time with dealing with my emotions in regards to Patrick. It has been over six years since getting the official diagnosis, and I still have these moments that hit me hard.

I decided to read the book while taking a hot bath. I browsed through the book and read several of the stories. Each of the stories were meant to be stories of hope. Not for me. Each of these stories left me feeling a little more hopeless.

You see, as parents, we compare our children. It's inevitable. We see a baby the same age of ours walking, and wonder why our child is happily crawling around. I do try very hard not to compare my kids to others, but it is hard. I have given up on comparing Patrick to neuro typical children, but I still catch myself comparing him to other autistic children.

Well, while reading this book... each and every story I read had a child in it that was younger than mine and more capable than mine. The kids were talking, and singing in a play, having friends sleep over, and making friends at the playground. My son has done none of that.

I know.. I know.. he will do it on his own time. But, will he?

Recently, I posted a facebook status saying something like "Today it hit me that my son may never go to a school dance, talk, use the potty unassisted, blah.. blah.." and I got a response that was something like "But, you don't know that he won't do those things'

True.

I don't know what the future holds for my little guy.

But, as a mother of a child with severe autism, I have to think about these things. While parents of typical children are setting up college funds, we are setting up funds for Patrick to be taken care of when we pass away. Because, the truth is. He may never be able to take care of himself. Yes, I would like for him to do everything on his own but that isn't likely.

I hate whining. I don't want to be the type that seems to be always complaining about her special needs child. Patrick is my world, and I love and accept him for who he is.

*sigh* So, this "cup of comfort" was nothing but.