Another update....

I don't get to blog much anymore. I am not sure why, I should. I always feel better after blogging. Anyway, this blog post has a purpose. It's yet another one of those life changing updates where I passively aggressively tell friends and family about major life events. It's just easier this way.

If you talk to me often, you already know this. If you don't, well SHAME ON YOU! Kidding. Anyway, I am pregnant. Yes, again. Some of you may be surprised by this considering that Pat and I separated a few years ago, but well... guess what, folks? You do not need to be married to get pregnant. Big surprise, I know, but it is true. I swear.  

My awesome, amazing wonderful boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together. He has three crazy wonderful kids, and I have three crazy wonderful kids, now we shall have a crazy, wonderful kid together. It's gonna be like the freaking Brady Bunch up in here!

So comedy aside, (yes, that was my poor attempt at comedy) this was not a planned pregnancy. In fact, when I found out, I cried and then vomited. And then cried a little more. A pregnancy was the very last thing I needed in my life. I was going through a divorce, trying to build a new relationship and cautiously doing it so that my children were not effected negatively.

Warning: Here are some real, raw, unedited emotions for you.

My first thoughts were to have an abortion. I am very much pro-choice and I very much did not think my life could handle yet another stressor. I went as far as calling the local Planned Parenthood to get an appointment. I spoke with a very kind lady, and just broke down in tears. I couldn't do it. My thoughts were jumbled and confused, but I knew in my heart that I could not go through with an abortion. I kept thinking how my job as a mother is to protect my children, and an abortion was as far from protection of THIS child as possible. This is not a judgement of other women who make a different decision than I. I understand. Trust me, I do. But, for me, an abortion just wasn't the right choice. This baby, after all, was conceived in a whirlwind of love, lust and laughter and though was not planned is now very much wanted.

So please, friends, family, loved ones, judgmental assholes-- keep your negative comments to yourself. Every single snide remark you have, I have probably already thought to myself. Yes, I will have my hands full. Yes, I am totally stressed the hell out. Yes, it is too soon for my boyfriend and I to have a baby together. Yes, it is too soon after my divorce to be getting pregnant. Yes, I should have used a more effective form of birth control. Yes, I will be having two different "baby daddy".

Yes, I get it. This situation isn't ideal. But, you know what?

I am going to be having a baby!!!! And that, my friends, is a thing of beauty!! :)

Trying our hand at lap booking!

This is actually an older post that I never published. We did this book in the summer, and I completely forgot that I began a blog post about it. It's incomplete, but complete enough. Here ya go:

Deciding what Jesse Bear ate for lunch

Making a bear puppet out of a toilet paper roll



The finished project:

This is the front. As I said, it started out as a "Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?" themed lap book but ended up being more about bears and less about the book. But, whatev!

This is the inside. Lots and lots of fun learning activities.

This is the picture of the "Jesse Bear's Healthy Lunch" you saw her doing earlier in the post. After we discussed what Jesse Bear ate, we researched what REAL bears eat.

I printed out this template for a bear book from Homeschool Share, and cut it out. Lilah had to matched the picture of the food to the words and glue them into the book. This was meant to be used with the book "Big Hungry Bear and the Ripe Red Strawberry" which we did read during the course of the week.

This is the inside of the book.

We went on to discuss what Jesse Bear wore throughout the book. We talked about the weather, the seasons and how different areas of the country are warmer and colder than others. We figured out what was the appropriate thing to wear during a hot day, a cold day and when we go to bed. We used a template from Homeschool Share again to create a tri-fold book on the subject.

The book. I should have let Lilah colored it but didn't think about it until she had already glued it into the folder.

The inside

I wanted to implement some math into our learning, so I made these bear cards and laminated them. We then played lots of different math games with them. On the back are some pretty card stock and a number.

I would put all the numbers on the floor and shout out a number. Then it was a race to see who could find the number first. I also hid the cards and asked her to find me a specific number of cards.

The template for the pocket came from (again) Homeschool Share.

This is when Lilah's questions about bears seemed to get very specific and I decided to steer off the course and go with a lap book that was not based on the book "Jesse Bear What Will You Wear" but rather on bears in general.

So....

First we looked back at our book about what real bears ate. We discussed the fact that bears were omnivores and the difference between what an omnivore, carnivore and herbivore were. This may seem way over the head of a three year old but she was asking lots of question and I decided to run with it.

We played a game online where you had to select if an animal was an omnivore, carnivore, or herbivore. It can be found here. She loved it. We also looked through a Kroger circular and talked about all the foods that were in there. Would a carnivore eat this? Would an herbivore eat that?

An UPDATE!

So, to all my friends, family, loved ones, and those who have happened to stumble upon this post. As we bring in the New Year, I want to take a moment and update everyone of my life happenings.

If you do not know already, (and if you don't and you consider yourself a close friend, you REALLY should call me more often) Pat and I are separated.

We've been separated since late June.

Without going into too much detail; he cheated. It wasn't the first time, but it is the last. I am, of course, very hurt by the infidelity but I believe that it is a symptom of something much larger. We, as a couple, had a lot to deal with. We struggled through dealing with special needs children, deployments, death of close family members and infertility. Unfortunately, adding something extra to an already full plate of "problems" isn't something we believed we could handle. So we decided to go our separate ways.

We are working together to be sure the divorce is as easy on the kids as possible. We are currently still living together (in separate rooms), but I will be moving out next month. He and I are doing a "split custody" situation where he has the children as often (when work allows) as I do.

It's the best we can do considering the situation.

Birthday cake!

Today I made a birthday cake for Lilah's first birthday! (OMG, I can't believe she is going to be one)

It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I purchased a "doll cake" pan from Wilton, and it came out great!

The icing didn't come out exactly the color I wanted it, but I still don't think it looked so bad. The cake is boxed yellow cake mix, and the frosting is a homemade buttercream. :)

This was my first real attempt at baking a "decorated" cake. I always just purchased cakes from the store for birthdays, but I think I may begin making the kids cakes. A homemade cake is so much better than a store bought one!! :)

Spring Break!!

So, the boys are on Spring Break this week. We have been having a lot of fun spending time together. Having them home from school has allowed me to re-discover how fun (and tiring) the boys can be.

Here are some of my favorite pics from this week:

My little pricess learning to walk! :)

The trio at The Treehouse! Corey had so much fun. He was a bit scared about going because he had never been, and once we got there he said "You were right, Mommy. This isn't scarey at all" :)

Corey kept making sure his brother was getting down the slide okay. It was so sweet.

We went to the zoo on Monday, and the kids had the most fun just playing in the dirt. Tuesday we went to the park, same thing. So, I decided to just let them play in the dirt out front of our house. Lilah loved it! Here she is with a rock she found. :)

Dirty fun!

Even princesses like to get dirty! :)

More pics from our Easter Egg hunt to come!

I'm out like your mom in a beauty pageant..

So, here we are again. Moving time has come. I am SO happy to be moving from this place. Busy days are ahead prepping everything and everyone for our departure. This duty station has taught me so much. I have met some really awesome military spouses that I will miss dearly, and I have now had the pleasure (sarcasm here) of dealing with the "drama" that you always hear about when it comes to the military "lifestyle".

I mostly keep to myself, so the drama hasn't effected me much. But, I have heard/seen some pretty disturbing things. The "mean girls" seem to want to tear you to shreds if they think you are weak, or just not like them.

Its so sad.

I stop attending most of the get togethers because it generally turned into a gossip fest. No one was untouchable. Everyone was talked about. Everyone! I know I wasn't immune to the nastiness. I heard a few things that were said about me. One was that I must be a "bad parent" because my autistic son got lost, and the other was that my baby should have died because I was so "careless" to give birth at home. These are just the things that made it back to me, I am certain there is much more that was said. *eye roll*

Other than the gossip, there have been quite a few really messed up things that have happened.
In the ever-changing world of the military lifestyle, what should remain constant is our capacity to support each other, to meet someone where they are at, appreciating those who came before us to show the way, and pass on that same continuum of care to those struggling around us.
Perhaps we should remember this simple Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

Your birth is YOUR dance

So, I started this blog off thinking I would write an informative blog on cesarean births. I had included a brief history of cesarean birth, the reasons a c-section may be necessary, and some information that could possibly help a woman avoid a unnecessary surgical birth. I deleted it.

One day I may make that blog. Not today.

I am angry. I writing this blog without thinking. Without stopping. This will be true uninterrupted emotion. My real unedited feelings about the mistreatment of women.

Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time. We have been squatting to birth our babies in fields while our mothers, sisters, and aunts watch over us. We have learned the art of birthing by watching other women birth. Its natural. Its normal. Its safe!

But, women no longer know the truth. They have been lied to, mislead and abused in the name of obstetrics. Doctors are putting birth into a box. Labor has a time limit. The baby has a size limit. The mother has an age limit. Women are being told not to listen to their own internal voice. This have got to stop!!

We are not broken. We have not changed. The knowledge to birth her baby is inside of every woman! We do not need doctors to tell us what to do, and how to do it.

Stop telling women when to push, how to push, what position to push in. STOP! Women don't need be told how to do these things, we are mothers on an instinctual level from the moment of conception.

WE ARE NOT BROKEN! We were created to birth our babies!

Hindering birth hinders a mother from being the very best mother she can be. Labor is a dance between mother and child. The mother gives a little, the baby gives a little and together they do it! When you force the mother to do the Cha-Cha when she and baby really wants to do the Rumba, you are cheating her out of the very first lesson of motherhood. And, we wonder why mothers are struggling to mother their babies.

What further infuriates me is that women aren't given the information to make a truly informed decision in regards to the birth of her child. I hear so often the misinformation and lies told to women by the very doctor who promised to "first do no harm"

Ladies, listen to me! We can't allow this to happen. Please stand up for yourself. Educate yourself. Do NOT just trust your doctor or midwife. Do you own research, but more importantly LISTEN to your instincts. Listen to your baby, listen to your body! You have all the knowledge that is needed to labor and birth on your own.

We need to take birth back! It doesn't belong to hospitals or doctors. It doesn't belong to midwives! It belongs to the mother and the baby.