Another update....

I don't get to blog much anymore. I am not sure why, I should. I always feel better after blogging. Anyway, this blog post has a purpose. It's yet another one of those life changing updates where I passively aggressively tell friends and family about major life events. It's just easier this way.

If you talk to me often, you already know this. If you don't, well SHAME ON YOU! Kidding. Anyway, I am pregnant. Yes, again. Some of you may be surprised by this considering that Pat and I separated a few years ago, but well... guess what, folks? You do not need to be married to get pregnant. Big surprise, I know, but it is true. I swear.  

My awesome, amazing wonderful boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together. He has three crazy wonderful kids, and I have three crazy wonderful kids, now we shall have a crazy, wonderful kid together. It's gonna be like the freaking Brady Bunch up in here!

So comedy aside, (yes, that was my poor attempt at comedy) this was not a planned pregnancy. In fact, when I found out, I cried and then vomited. And then cried a little more. A pregnancy was the very last thing I needed in my life. I was going through a divorce, trying to build a new relationship and cautiously doing it so that my children were not effected negatively.

Warning: Here are some real, raw, unedited emotions for you.

My first thoughts were to have an abortion. I am very much pro-choice and I very much did not think my life could handle yet another stressor. I went as far as calling the local Planned Parenthood to get an appointment. I spoke with a very kind lady, and just broke down in tears. I couldn't do it. My thoughts were jumbled and confused, but I knew in my heart that I could not go through with an abortion. I kept thinking how my job as a mother is to protect my children, and an abortion was as far from protection of THIS child as possible. This is not a judgement of other women who make a different decision than I. I understand. Trust me, I do. But, for me, an abortion just wasn't the right choice. This baby, after all, was conceived in a whirlwind of love, lust and laughter and though was not planned is now very much wanted.

So please, friends, family, loved ones, judgmental assholes-- keep your negative comments to yourself. Every single snide remark you have, I have probably already thought to myself. Yes, I will have my hands full. Yes, I am totally stressed the hell out. Yes, it is too soon for my boyfriend and I to have a baby together. Yes, it is too soon after my divorce to be getting pregnant. Yes, I should have used a more effective form of birth control. Yes, I will be having two different "baby daddy".

Yes, I get it. This situation isn't ideal. But, you know what?

I am going to be having a baby!!!! And that, my friends, is a thing of beauty!! :)

Trying our hand at lap booking!

This is actually an older post that I never published. We did this book in the summer, and I completely forgot that I began a blog post about it. It's incomplete, but complete enough. Here ya go:

Deciding what Jesse Bear ate for lunch

Making a bear puppet out of a toilet paper roll



The finished project:

This is the front. As I said, it started out as a "Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?" themed lap book but ended up being more about bears and less about the book. But, whatev!

This is the inside. Lots and lots of fun learning activities.

This is the picture of the "Jesse Bear's Healthy Lunch" you saw her doing earlier in the post. After we discussed what Jesse Bear ate, we researched what REAL bears eat.

I printed out this template for a bear book from Homeschool Share, and cut it out. Lilah had to matched the picture of the food to the words and glue them into the book. This was meant to be used with the book "Big Hungry Bear and the Ripe Red Strawberry" which we did read during the course of the week.

This is the inside of the book.

We went on to discuss what Jesse Bear wore throughout the book. We talked about the weather, the seasons and how different areas of the country are warmer and colder than others. We figured out what was the appropriate thing to wear during a hot day, a cold day and when we go to bed. We used a template from Homeschool Share again to create a tri-fold book on the subject.

The book. I should have let Lilah colored it but didn't think about it until she had already glued it into the folder.

The inside

I wanted to implement some math into our learning, so I made these bear cards and laminated them. We then played lots of different math games with them. On the back are some pretty card stock and a number.

I would put all the numbers on the floor and shout out a number. Then it was a race to see who could find the number first. I also hid the cards and asked her to find me a specific number of cards.

The template for the pocket came from (again) Homeschool Share.

This is when Lilah's questions about bears seemed to get very specific and I decided to steer off the course and go with a lap book that was not based on the book "Jesse Bear What Will You Wear" but rather on bears in general.

So....

First we looked back at our book about what real bears ate. We discussed the fact that bears were omnivores and the difference between what an omnivore, carnivore and herbivore were. This may seem way over the head of a three year old but she was asking lots of question and I decided to run with it.

We played a game online where you had to select if an animal was an omnivore, carnivore, or herbivore. It can be found here. She loved it. We also looked through a Kroger circular and talked about all the foods that were in there. Would a carnivore eat this? Would an herbivore eat that?

An UPDATE!

So, to all my friends, family, loved ones, and those who have happened to stumble upon this post. As we bring in the New Year, I want to take a moment and update everyone of my life happenings.

If you do not know already, (and if you don't and you consider yourself a close friend, you REALLY should call me more often) Pat and I are separated.

We've been separated since late June.

Without going into too much detail; he cheated. It wasn't the first time, but it is the last. I am, of course, very hurt by the infidelity but I believe that it is a symptom of something much larger. We, as a couple, had a lot to deal with. We struggled through dealing with special needs children, deployments, death of close family members and infertility. Unfortunately, adding something extra to an already full plate of "problems" isn't something we believed we could handle. So we decided to go our separate ways.

We are working together to be sure the divorce is as easy on the kids as possible. We are currently still living together (in separate rooms), but I will be moving out next month. He and I are doing a "split custody" situation where he has the children as often (when work allows) as I do.

It's the best we can do considering the situation.

Birthday cake!

Today I made a birthday cake for Lilah's first birthday! (OMG, I can't believe she is going to be one)

It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I purchased a "doll cake" pan from Wilton, and it came out great!

The icing didn't come out exactly the color I wanted it, but I still don't think it looked so bad. The cake is boxed yellow cake mix, and the frosting is a homemade buttercream. :)

This was my first real attempt at baking a "decorated" cake. I always just purchased cakes from the store for birthdays, but I think I may begin making the kids cakes. A homemade cake is so much better than a store bought one!! :)

Spring Break!!

So, the boys are on Spring Break this week. We have been having a lot of fun spending time together. Having them home from school has allowed me to re-discover how fun (and tiring) the boys can be.

Here are some of my favorite pics from this week:

My little pricess learning to walk! :)

The trio at The Treehouse! Corey had so much fun. He was a bit scared about going because he had never been, and once we got there he said "You were right, Mommy. This isn't scarey at all" :)

Corey kept making sure his brother was getting down the slide okay. It was so sweet.

We went to the zoo on Monday, and the kids had the most fun just playing in the dirt. Tuesday we went to the park, same thing. So, I decided to just let them play in the dirt out front of our house. Lilah loved it! Here she is with a rock she found. :)

Dirty fun!

Even princesses like to get dirty! :)

More pics from our Easter Egg hunt to come!

I'm out like your mom in a beauty pageant..

So, here we are again. Moving time has come. I am SO happy to be moving from this place. Busy days are ahead prepping everything and everyone for our departure. This duty station has taught me so much. I have met some really awesome military spouses that I will miss dearly, and I have now had the pleasure (sarcasm here) of dealing with the "drama" that you always hear about when it comes to the military "lifestyle".

I mostly keep to myself, so the drama hasn't effected me much. But, I have heard/seen some pretty disturbing things. The "mean girls" seem to want to tear you to shreds if they think you are weak, or just not like them.

Its so sad.

I stop attending most of the get togethers because it generally turned into a gossip fest. No one was untouchable. Everyone was talked about. Everyone! I know I wasn't immune to the nastiness. I heard a few things that were said about me. One was that I must be a "bad parent" because my autistic son got lost, and the other was that my baby should have died because I was so "careless" to give birth at home. These are just the things that made it back to me, I am certain there is much more that was said. *eye roll*

Other than the gossip, there have been quite a few really messed up things that have happened.
In the ever-changing world of the military lifestyle, what should remain constant is our capacity to support each other, to meet someone where they are at, appreciating those who came before us to show the way, and pass on that same continuum of care to those struggling around us.
Perhaps we should remember this simple Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

Your birth is YOUR dance

So, I started this blog off thinking I would write an informative blog on cesarean births. I had included a brief history of cesarean birth, the reasons a c-section may be necessary, and some information that could possibly help a woman avoid a unnecessary surgical birth. I deleted it.

One day I may make that blog. Not today.

I am angry. I writing this blog without thinking. Without stopping. This will be true uninterrupted emotion. My real unedited feelings about the mistreatment of women.

Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time. We have been squatting to birth our babies in fields while our mothers, sisters, and aunts watch over us. We have learned the art of birthing by watching other women birth. Its natural. Its normal. Its safe!

But, women no longer know the truth. They have been lied to, mislead and abused in the name of obstetrics. Doctors are putting birth into a box. Labor has a time limit. The baby has a size limit. The mother has an age limit. Women are being told not to listen to their own internal voice. This have got to stop!!

We are not broken. We have not changed. The knowledge to birth her baby is inside of every woman! We do not need doctors to tell us what to do, and how to do it.

Stop telling women when to push, how to push, what position to push in. STOP! Women don't need be told how to do these things, we are mothers on an instinctual level from the moment of conception.

WE ARE NOT BROKEN! We were created to birth our babies!

Hindering birth hinders a mother from being the very best mother she can be. Labor is a dance between mother and child. The mother gives a little, the baby gives a little and together they do it! When you force the mother to do the Cha-Cha when she and baby really wants to do the Rumba, you are cheating her out of the very first lesson of motherhood. And, we wonder why mothers are struggling to mother their babies.

What further infuriates me is that women aren't given the information to make a truly informed decision in regards to the birth of her child. I hear so often the misinformation and lies told to women by the very doctor who promised to "first do no harm"

Ladies, listen to me! We can't allow this to happen. Please stand up for yourself. Educate yourself. Do NOT just trust your doctor or midwife. Do you own research, but more importantly LISTEN to your instincts. Listen to your baby, listen to your body! You have all the knowledge that is needed to labor and birth on your own.

We need to take birth back! It doesn't belong to hospitals or doctors. It doesn't belong to midwives! It belongs to the mother and the baby.

Trust Birth Conference 2010 - Can you handle the truth?

I just got back from the Trust Birth Conference, and my mind is filled with things to reflect. I didn't get to attend many of the sessions due to the fact that Lilah wanted to be Ms. Chatty Cathy. But, you know what? It didn't matter. Just BEING THERE was amazing! I sat in the halls and got to talk with the most fascinating women I have ever met. I picked the brains of women who have been in the birth field for longer than I have been alive. I shared my birth stories with women who laughed and cried with me. My faith in being "with woman" has been restored. But, you know what I learned most from the conference?

TO SPREAD TRUTH!!

I used to be very vocal about my thoughts and opinions in regards to birth, breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines and natural parenting, but for the last few years I have kind of kept quiet. I just wanted to keep the peace in hopes of making a few local friends. So, when the subject of birth or breastfeeding came up I would mostly keep quiet. But, no more. I can not allow all the lies that are out there to continue to be spread. It's not fair for women today, and it isn't fair for my daughter and her generation! I will stand up for TRUTH! I will be vocal, I will be loud, and most likely I will be disliked, and talked about. But, I don't care. I would rather someone hate me for who I am, than like me for who I am not.

I have so many thoughts that need to come out, and I plan to blog about them. I can't keep it in any longer!!

So, can you handle the truth??

Imperfect Parenting

Two mornings ago, I was a horrible, terrible, no good Mommy. I didn‘t want to get out of bed. I wanted to cover my head, roll over and sleep in. I longed for my teenage years when I could sleep until 12, drink until 2 and not take care of anyone but myself. As, I was drifting in and out of sleep, a harsh reality came to me. It was cold and wet, and smelled of pickles. Actually, it was Patrick bringing me the pickle jar to open. He, apparently, thought 6 am was a fine time for pickles.

I sighed and sat up. It was time to face the responsibility of motherhood. Meanwhile, Patrick is still attempting to eat the breakfast of champions by opening the pickle jar, which of course (you know it couldn’t happen any other way) spills all over my bed. I scream at him and immediately feel guilty. I shoo him away and attempt to clean up the mess. My screaming wakes Lilah, and she isn’t happy to be woken up in such a manner. (Join the crew, kid!)


So, Lilah is screaming, Patrick is crying, and I am attempting to wash the linen that is covered in the sweet smell of garlic pickles. From the kitchen I hear Corey saying very loudly “Oh no, it’s a mess’ I pour the laundry detergent into the washer, say a quick prayer to every god, saint and deity I know that it will be a small mess, and head into the kitchen. It’s no small mess. Almost an entire gallon of milk spilled onto the floor.


I am still not even fully awake yet. I want to cry over spilled milk. Whoever coined the saying “No sense crying over spilled milk” must not have been dealing with sleep deprivation, cranky children, and female hormones. I don’t cry, I scream. Again.

I clean up the milk, make the boys breakfast, and sit down. Ahh, I can relax for a moment. But, a screaming baby reminds me that I had forgotten about her, and I better get my butt up before she does something as drastic as scream even louder.

I go back upstairs to get Lilah out of the playpen. She is screaming her tiny, little, sweet head off. I pick her up, calm her down and find clothes for the boys to wear to school. I go back downstairs to get Patrick dressed, and attempt to put Lilah down. She is having none of that. A babies cry gets to me. It really does. Every fiber in my being is caterwauling at me to make it stop. So, what do I do with my precious little tot? I scream at her!

Are there any living beings that will be spared by my wrath? Watch out guinea pigs, you’re next!

I managed to scream at the boys two more times before getting them out the door to school. I felt awful all day. I have been screaming at them a lot more than I would like lately, and it sucks.

When you have grown up constantly being yelled at or hit for doing anything from just getting in the way, to something serious, its very hard to parent a different way. But, I try.

I know I shouldn‘t yell at my children. It isn’t effective in any manner, and is most likely harmful. Yelling isn’t discipline. It’s just a means for me to get my frustration out, and its not fair to my children for me to take my frustration out on them. Discipline should be calm, and gentle. Discipline has a nurturing tone of voice. Discipline teaches through communication. When a parent disciplines a child for acting unacceptably they are teaching their child why the behavior is unacceptable, not just that it is. Children are people too. I don’t believe they should be scolded or reprimanded. They should not be made to feel shamed or belittled. Yelling makes children feel all of those things. Yelling makes good kids feel like bad kids. A child should be talked to and with, not ever at.

But I am not perfect. Each and every day I attempt to be a better person than I was they day before. Some days I succeed, some days I fail. Some days I fail miserably. That day was one of those days. Today is a new day. I will move on (and so will my children) and I will try to do better. I am a perfectly imperfect parent!

Tasty Tuesday Part 1

This week I decided to do two Tasty Tuesday post.

The first one is of a yummy potato soup that I made for dinner and the second one is yet to come. Here is the recipe:

THE PLAN:

This savory low fat crock pot recipe is easy to assemble in the morning, then cook all day. Cream cheese and a sprinkling of bacon provide richness. Serve with a green salad and crusty bread. A healthy crock pot recipe bound to receive compliments.


Potato Soup

8 cups diced potatoes

1/2 cup chopped onion

3 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) chicken broth

1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, cubed

1/2 pound sliced bacon, cooked and crumbled (optional)

Snipped chives (optional)



In a crock pot, combine the first 5 ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours or until potatoes are tender. Add cream cheese; stir until blended. Garnish with bacon and chives if desired.



Yield 12 servings (3 quarts)

THE PROCEDURE:

Here is what you will need!

Begin by peeling and chopping the potatoes. I used about 10 small/medium ones to make it to eight cups.

Next cut the onion, I used about a half of onion.

Then I took all the ingredients (except the cream cheese) and threw them into the crock pot. I added a little extra pepper than the recipe called, and a few other spices that can not be revealed. (Not because they are secret, but becaust I don't remember, LOL!)  I also added a can of cheddar cheese soup by Campells at the suggestion of a friend. I stirred it all together and turned the crock pot on low for eight hours.

 My house was smelling scrumdiddlyumptious by the time dinner rolled around. The next step involved dropping the cream cheese into the hot soup. At first I was a little leary of the cream cheese, and when I put it into the soup it lumped up and made me even more unsure. I turned up the heat on the crock pot and just kept stirring until it was all melted. I had tasted the soup before the cream cheese, and it was good but the addition of the cream cheese made it YUMMO! I had some pre-cooked bacon that I threw into the microwave for a few seconds, crumbled it and put it on top.

 

 

 

 THE PRODUCT:

My husband also made a yummy salad, and I had purchased some pre-made wheat rolls that I heated.

 This soup was very good, and I will be making it again! :)

Trust Birth Conference 2010

It's March 1st! It's March 1st! Eck! It's MARCH!! What's the big deal about March, you ask? It means very soon I will be flying out to California and attending the Trust Birth Conference . Yipee! I am so super excited. Oh, you couldn't tell? Well..

YAY!

Yipee!

Woo hoo!

Awesome!!
Ahhh!!

Yay!

See, I am excited. ;) But, seriously, I think this is going to be life changing. I have never been to California, so that is one reason to be excited. I will be around thousands of women who TRUST BIRTH, or wish to trust birth more, reason two! Not one person will look at me like I am a nutso when I share my birth story, reason three. Oh, I could go on and on. Hmm.. I think I will. It's my blog, so nana nana boo boo! (Stick your head in doodoo)

I also get to see my wonderful friend Heather, who I love and miss dearly, and her precious baby girl, Eliza.

Very, very excited.

Look what is going to be on the agenda... these are the sessions I choose for my first choice:

Track 1 A. Panel: Trusting in Unassisted and Free birth


Track 2 C. Kristi Zittle: Updated Vaccination Truth—Natural Immunity

Track 3 D. Sheila Stubbs: Unbecoming Baby Lies

Track 4 D. Gloria Lemay & Kristi Zittle: Circumcision—Trust the Facts

Track 5 E. Doran Richards: Erasing Fear; Embracing Truth

Track 6 D. Kristi Zittle:Autism: Insights:Causes,Treatments,Prevention

Track 7 A. Panel: Licensure—Planning to Practice With or Without

Track 8 B. Dr. Elliott Berlin, DC: 20/20: Lowering the Ces. Section rate

Track 9 A. Debbie Sapp: Birth Truth and your Birth Business

Learning about freebirth, autism, vaccinations, lowering the c-section rate, birth truth, and business tips for my future ventures as a midwife. Ahh, sweet bliss!!
 
Wooohooo!!
 
Yippee!!
 
Ahhhhhh!!!

A cup of comfort.. or maybe not.

 Today while mindlessly browsing the book store, I picked up a book titled "A Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Autism" It was one of those "Chicken Soup" knock off books. I purchased it thinking it may have some touching stories in it that would provide me with a bit of "comfort". Lately, I've really been having a hard time with dealing with my emotions in regards to Patrick. It has been over six years since getting the official diagnosis, and I still have these moments that hit me hard.

I decided to read the book while taking a hot bath. I browsed through the book and read several of the stories. Each of the stories were meant to be stories of hope. Not for me. Each of these stories left me feeling a little more hopeless.

You see, as parents, we compare our children. It's inevitable. We see a baby the same age of ours walking, and wonder why our child is happily crawling around. I do try very hard not to compare my kids to others, but it is hard. I have given up on comparing Patrick to neuro typical children, but I still catch myself comparing him to other autistic children.

Well, while reading this book... each and every story I read had a child in it that was younger than mine and more capable than mine. The kids were talking, and singing in a play, having friends sleep over, and making friends at the playground. My son has done none of that.

I know.. I know.. he will do it on his own time. But, will he?

Recently, I posted a facebook status saying something like "Today it hit me that my son may never go to a school dance, talk, use the potty unassisted, blah.. blah.." and I got a response that was something like "But, you don't know that he won't do those things'

True.

I don't know what the future holds for my little guy.

But, as a mother of a child with severe autism, I have to think about these things. While parents of typical children are setting up college funds, we are setting up funds for Patrick to be taken care of when we pass away. Because, the truth is. He may never be able to take care of himself. Yes, I would like for him to do everything on his own but that isn't likely.

I hate whining. I don't want to be the type that seems to be always complaining about her special needs child. Patrick is my world, and I love and accept him for who he is.

*sigh* So, this "cup of comfort" was nothing but.

Tasty Tuesday!!

Yes, I know it is Wednesday.. BUT.. I love cooking and baking, and I just don't do it often enough for the pure enjoyment of it. Sure, I cook dinner nearly every day, but that's usually just to keep the family fed.

I want to cook more for enjoyment, and I want to blog more. Two birds, one stone. TASTY TUESDAYS!!

Today I decided to make Pepperoni Rolls.

When I lived in West Virginia, they sold the most delicious Pepperoni Rolls at a gas station (I think it was in Harrisville). I have never been able to find them anywhere outside of the state of WV, but in an attempt to mimic them my grandmother made them from me once. One word: Heaven!!

I was never able to get the recipe that my grandmother used, but one day I was searching the recipe app on my phone and I stumbled across one that looked pretty easy. So, I decided to give it a try for Tasty Tuesday (or... err... Wednesday!)

The Plan:

Pepperoni Rolls

5 cups unbleached flour (I used half unbleached and half wheat)

1 1/4 cup Sugar

1 pk active dry yeast

1 1/2 c warm water

1/2 cup dried milk

1/4 cup oil

1 egg

Mozzarella cheese

Pepperoni

Mix all ingredients (except flour, pepperoni, and cheese) in a large bowl.

Add flour a cup at a time.

Set aside in a warm place, and let rise for one hour

Break off a piece of dough spread it out, and fill with pepperoni and cheese.

Fold dough over and seal

Bake on greased cookie sheet at 450 degrees for 8 minutes or until golden brown.

The Procedure:

I put all the ingredients into my Kitchen Aid mixer bowl. (Except flour, pepperoni, and cheese)

I slowly added the flour until it was all mixed through. Then I took it out of the mixer and kneaded it by hand for a bit. I put it in a bowl, and covered it with a damp cloth. Set the timer for an hour, and went and played with my little girl.

After the hour, the dough had risen a bit. I took it from the bowl and kneaded it a bit more. I floured the counter, and rolling pin so the dough didn't stick. I took a small amount of dough and rolled it out flat.

I put a little cheese, and about five or six pepperoni slices on each roll, and then sealed them shut my basically pinches the sides around the cheese/pepperoni. I used a small bowl of water to wet my fingers to rub it on the dough to help it stick.

I laid the seam side down on a greased cookie sheet, and put them in the oven at 450 degrees for about 18 minutes. I know the recipe only says 8 minutes, but I think I made my rolls WAY big. That's okay.. more to eat. ;)

The Product:

They turned out pretty good, though they are a bit dry and did get a bit over brown. I realized as I was making this post that I totally forgot the egg (Doh!). Other than that, they are yummy. ;) Bread, cheese, and pepperoni. You can't go wrong. My husband likes them, the kids like them Score!

BUT, they were nothing like my grandmother made. ;)

You can run, but you can't hide!

I found you, you sneaky little blog, you. I have started many a blog, but I put the most effort into this one. I had an awesome friend create a banner for it. I wrote a few posts in it, and I really really liked it. I really really did. But, I lost it.

How do you lose a blog, you ask? Well, for a while I had forgotten I started it. Ha! Then when I realized I totally couldn't live without blogging my thoughts, I couldn't remember what email address or password I used.. then one day it hit me! :) So, I am back! Ohhh.. yeah!

Much time has passed since I blogged last. A lot of things have happened. Some were life changing in a good way. (Like the birth of my baby girl!!) and some were horribly life changing in a bad way (like the death of my mother in law and grandmother).

I will blog in more detail about those events when I gather the inspiration. I have tons of thoughts I need to get out. So, be on the look out for a much more prolific blog! ;)

50 things to do in my lifetime

Life is short, and we spend too much of it doing things we do not want to do, shackled to our jobs and daily chores. The free time we do have, we sometimes don't spend wisely. Ask yourself - what have you ever promised yourself you would do, or wished you could try? When you were young, what did you want to do "when you were older", and more importantly, are you doing them?

I am challenging everyone to create a list of 50 things to do in your lifetime. Your goals can be adventurous ambitions like "Test Drive a Ferrari" or everyday things like "Get organized". Don't just create the list, but be sure to scratch things OFF your list too.

I am beginning my list now, in hopes that I will remember to live life to it's fullest. Because a life not lived, isn't worth living.

My 50 things to do in my lifetime

Sky dive (this is so cliche', huh?)

Visit Slab City

Become a foster parent

Sleep under the stars for a week

Go to a Burning Man Show

Backpack through Europe

Write a book

Climb a mountain

Visit a nudist camp

Take a hot air balloon ride

Learn to play a musical instrument

Own my own home

Appear in a film

Participate in a marathon

Go Skiing

Create something out of wood

Get a makeover

Go on silent retreat (Hopefully this will be happening soon)

Drive from the East Coast to the West Coast (or vice versa)

Get out of debt

Have dinner with a random homeless person

Build a tree house

Take a daily walk for 30 days (Rain or shine)

Make a difference

Become a grandmother

Volunteer in a third world country

Have a portrait of myself painted

Send a message in a bottle

Grow a garden

Jury Duty

Visit:

Finland

Ireland

Spain

France

Greece

Italy

England

Hungary

Sweden

India

Nepal

China

Japan

Mexico

Peru

Trinidad

Panama

Brazil

Congo

Ethiopia

South Africa

Some of these things I have already done. Some of these places I have already visited. But, I want to do them again as I didn't appreciate them fully the first time.

The beauty of nature

I wished I lived in a one room cabin, on top of a grassy hill. A pond nearby for my daily frolic in the cool clear water. I would run down the hill, dewy grass beneath my feet so that I could fell the wind blow my hair freely. The sun is shining, warming my skin. I long for the day when I can stand outside, and feel close to nature; close to God.

Our society is so detached from things at their natural state, that rarely we appreciates the beauty of a setting sun; the appeal of dew drop on a Morning Glory as the day breaks. People rarely stop and take a moment to enjoy the swift flow of a leaf falling from a tree readying itself for the winter cold.

As I imagine myself in my simply constructed dwelling atop a hill filled with fragrant wildflowers with no television, no phone, no computer; I wonder. I wonder if I still would be so self absorbed, that even without the distractions of modern day society, would I neglect to absorb the beauty of it all?

I will probably never have my cozy home on top the hill, but I will try to silence my mind and open my eyes to the awe-inspiring portraits that were painted by a hand more skilled than mine. I will take the time to absorb nature in it's natural sense. I vow to go outdoors, and discover the beauty that has been here since the beginning of time. Nature will not find me inside my dimly lit townhome, but I will find nature.

Boycott "Made in China"

Recently I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't buy any products made in China for 30 days. During my boycott, I was forced to give thought to the products I purchased which is more than I can say before I began this interesting little journey. I suddenly became more label conscious, and was surprised at the magnitude of products made in China. I sometimes laughed at the irony of some products that I found were MIC, like American flags. I also learned that some companies can be very deceiving. For instance, I saw a product that had "Made in USA" written on the box, and in fine print it said "Product made in China" Apparently the BOX was made in the USA. They are trying to trick consumers!

When I did my food shopping I didn't even consider checking the items I was buying to see if they were made in China. I ASSumed that America surely wouldn't allow China to get their hands in on our food supply. Ha! I was wrong. But, as it turns out, reading the label probably wouldn't have helped me much anyway. The United States requires labels on seafood to mark where it came from, however, that's the exception. With most foods, companies are not required to label where ingredients come from, only where the food was packaged or processed.

So the frozen pizza you bought could have 20 ingredients in it from 20 different countries, and all the consumers knows was that it was packaged in Glendale, New York.

So, how are you supposed to boycott food products made in China?

You can't!

Buying locally and avoiding prepacked foods is your best bet to keep products MIC out of your kitchen cupboards. There are some products that are more likely to be made in China and they include:

Apple Juice (who woulda thought?)

Mandarin Oranges

Candy

Dried Garlic

Cocoa Butter

Sausage Casings

Dried Berries (like those found in breakfast cereal)

Another thing..

Independence Day is coming up, and ironically thousands of Americans will celebrate our Independence by purchasing fireworks that were made in China. These fireworks were manufactured in many cases with forced labor, even child labor, under the most unsafe and inhumane conditions.

Annual sales in the U.S. are approaching $1 billion. Yep, that's right- A BILLION!

So, when you buy fireworks made in China, you are helping China rake in millions on the backs of slave laborers, political prisoners and badly exploited peasants – people who have no choice, no freedom, no independence, no say.

Talk about irony.

Needless to say, we won't be purchasing fireworks this year.

I have decided to continue my Made in China boycott indefinitely. I want to send a message to the American companies that it is morally wrong to get rich off the suffering of so many people. I want them to stop putting our children, our pets, our elderly... all humans at risk to save a few dollars.

Maybe my voice won't make a difference, but I will sleep well at night knowing I did my part.

Patrick- my special boy.

First I would like to start off by saying that both of my children are special in their own sort of way. But, this blog is about Patrick, my special little guy.

Patrick was diagnosed with autism in 2004, but I knew in my heart that he had it even before the doctor said those words no parent ever wants to hear.

"Your child has autism."

When I first discovered that Patrick was probably somewhere on the autism spectrum, I stayed up many nights crying myself to sleep. I wasn't sure what the future held. I really didn't know if my child would ever read, write, talk, get married, use the potty unassisted, have friends, go on dates, get a job, drive a car, tell me he loves me, etc. But, a revelation came to me one night and I realized that no parent ever knows if their child will do any of those things. Life is fragile, and often times short. I now just cherish every minute I get to spend with Patrick, instead of mourning the loss of the child that could have been. I try not to think of the things he may not do, and soak up the things that he can do.

Anyway, the reason for this blog is to share a letter written to Pat and I by one of Patrick's teacher at the end of this school year. Here it is:

Mr and Mrs Hagan,

I just wanted to write you a short note to tell you how much I have enjoyed
working with Patrick this year. I think he is such a special little guy, and I
will miss him dearly!! Watching his progress this year was nothing short of
wonderful. He is such an amazing spirit and has touched my heart is so many
ways. I will NEVER forget him; I just adore Patrick.

I wanted to say, after being with him this year, I believe in him. He is
going to have success in his life. I am proud for what he has achieved because
he showed me just how much he has inside of him. Do not let anyone ever tell you
he can't do something. He can do ANYTHING. I know this is my heart! He had quite
an impact on me, I believe he is a true gift. If you ever need someone to watch
him, please know that I am there for him. I will always value this school year
with such a wonderful boy, who has an amazing spirit.

All the best,

The amazing thing is that this isn't the first letter that we have gotten like this from someone who has spent time with Patrick. We have gotten letters from other teachers, bus drivers, and a day care worker. I always knew Patrick had an amazing spirit, but it's great to hear it from others.

I truly believe that Patrick has great purpose on this earth, and although I do not know what that purpose is I have no doubt that he will fulfill it. He may never read, write, talk, use the potty, go on dates, drive a car, or get a job, but I do know that he has already touched so many lives in the short time he has been on this earth; And, I am sure that he will touch many more.

Getting a job is overrated anyway.

What is Unitarian Universalism?

What is Unitarian Universalism?

Recently, I have been soul searching in an attempt to find a theology that fits me. Over the last few years I have attended several churches in hopes to find somewhere I fit it; A place I could call home. I have my credence in regards to heaven and earth, death and afterlife, God and Jesus, and all other questions that are usually answered when you "find religion". My main obstacle has been that my beliefs weren't easily categorized in one particular religion. My beliefs span from Neo-Paganism to Buddhism to Christianity. Until recently, no church I attended could really cater to the likes of me.

But, as I said.. until recently. A few weeks ago, I attend a Unitarian Universalism (UU)congregation for the first time. I was amazed, and inspired. They allow each individual to find their own theology, without force feeding opinions down your throat. When I first heard of UU, I had no idea what they stood for. So, what does a UU believe in? These FAQ's that I obtained from the book "100 Questions that Non-Members Ask About Unitarian Universalism" by John Sias may help you understand more:

What do Unitarian Universalists believe?

• Every individual should be encouraged to develop a personal philosphy of life.
• Everyone is capable of reasoning.
• We do not need any other person, official or organization to tell us what to believe.
• We should be able to present religious opinions openly, without fear of censure or reprisal.
• All people should be tolerant of religious ideas of others.
• Truth is not absolute; it changes over time.
• Everyone should continue to search for truth.
• Everyone has equal claim to life, liberty and justice.
• People should govern themselves by democratic processes.
• Ideas should be open to criticism.
• Good works are the natural product of good faith.
  

What do you not believe?

We do not believe that any religious precept or doctrine must be accepted as true simply because some religious organization, tradition or authority says it is. Neither do we believe that all UU's should have identical beliefs.

Do you believe in God?

While there is a perception of UU's that we do not believe in god, it is much more accurate to say that we do not have a single, defined concept of God in which all UU's are expected to believe. Each member is free to explore and develop and understanding of God that is meaningful to him or her. They're also free to reject the term or concept altogether.

Most of use do not believe in a supernatural, supreme being who can directly intervene in and alter human life or the mechanism of the natural world. Many believe in a spirit of life or power within themselves, which some choose to call God.

How do you regard the bible?

We regard the bible as one of many important religious texts but do not consider it unique or exclusive in any way. We do not interpret it literally. We think some parts of it offer more truth and relevance than other parts. Although UU's respect the bible and regard some of its content as great literature, it is not a central document in our religion.

Do you believe in Jesus?

We do not believe that Jesus Christ was born of a vergin, performed miracles and was resurrected from death. We do admire and respect the way he lived, the power of his love, the force of his example, and his values.

Most UU's regard Jesus as one of several important moral and ethical teachers who have shown humans how to live a life of love, service and compassion. Though some of us may question whether Jesus was an actual historical figure, we do believe his teachings are of significant moral value.

What are the bonds that unify UU's?

While there are no written or verbal doctrines designed for that purpose, we have both stated and unstated bonds which unify us. The stated bonds are the principles and purposes of the UUA which we support individually and collectively.

Among the unstated bonds are our mutual respect for each other and our appreciation of many religious, philosophical, and spiritual paths which our members pursue. We are bound together in our mutual concern for one another's well being, and our willingness to aid each other in time of need.

Is UU really a religion?

In dealing with beliefs and theology, it's important to note that Unitarian Universalism is a way of being religious rather than a religious doctrine. For us, religion is an ongoing search for meaning, purpose, value and spiritual depth in one's life. We believe that individuals are entitled to make their own search, and that not all persons (not even all UU's) are going to share the same beliefs.


Reverend F. Forrester Church has defined religion as, "Our human response to the dual reality of being alive and knowing we will die." This captures a common UU understanding of religion. It is how we respond to life, and how we find meaning, purpose and depth in life, in the face of our human mortality.

Unitarian Universalism is a non-creedal, non-doctrinal religion which affirms the individual's freedom of belief. For this reason it is not possible to give a blanket answer to whether or not UUs believe in God, Jesus, and the bible or life after death. Although we do not all believe the same things about these and other matters, we do believe that each person has the integrity and the ability to come to terms with their religious beliefs in a way that is right for that person.

The beginning

Okay, so I have finally joined the masses and started a blog. I guess this is going to be a place I ramble about life and it's happenings.

So, we are off!