A cup of comfort.. or maybe not.

 Today while mindlessly browsing the book store, I picked up a book titled "A Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Autism" It was one of those "Chicken Soup" knock off books. I purchased it thinking it may have some touching stories in it that would provide me with a bit of "comfort". Lately, I've really been having a hard time with dealing with my emotions in regards to Patrick. It has been over six years since getting the official diagnosis, and I still have these moments that hit me hard.

I decided to read the book while taking a hot bath. I browsed through the book and read several of the stories. Each of the stories were meant to be stories of hope. Not for me. Each of these stories left me feeling a little more hopeless.

You see, as parents, we compare our children. It's inevitable. We see a baby the same age of ours walking, and wonder why our child is happily crawling around. I do try very hard not to compare my kids to others, but it is hard. I have given up on comparing Patrick to neuro typical children, but I still catch myself comparing him to other autistic children.

Well, while reading this book... each and every story I read had a child in it that was younger than mine and more capable than mine. The kids were talking, and singing in a play, having friends sleep over, and making friends at the playground. My son has done none of that.

I know.. I know.. he will do it on his own time. But, will he?

Recently, I posted a facebook status saying something like "Today it hit me that my son may never go to a school dance, talk, use the potty unassisted, blah.. blah.." and I got a response that was something like "But, you don't know that he won't do those things'

True.

I don't know what the future holds for my little guy.

But, as a mother of a child with severe autism, I have to think about these things. While parents of typical children are setting up college funds, we are setting up funds for Patrick to be taken care of when we pass away. Because, the truth is. He may never be able to take care of himself. Yes, I would like for him to do everything on his own but that isn't likely.

I hate whining. I don't want to be the type that seems to be always complaining about her special needs child. Patrick is my world, and I love and accept him for who he is.

*sigh* So, this "cup of comfort" was nothing but.

Tasty Tuesday!!

Yes, I know it is Wednesday.. BUT.. I love cooking and baking, and I just don't do it often enough for the pure enjoyment of it. Sure, I cook dinner nearly every day, but that's usually just to keep the family fed.

I want to cook more for enjoyment, and I want to blog more. Two birds, one stone. TASTY TUESDAYS!!

Today I decided to make Pepperoni Rolls.

When I lived in West Virginia, they sold the most delicious Pepperoni Rolls at a gas station (I think it was in Harrisville). I have never been able to find them anywhere outside of the state of WV, but in an attempt to mimic them my grandmother made them from me once. One word: Heaven!!

I was never able to get the recipe that my grandmother used, but one day I was searching the recipe app on my phone and I stumbled across one that looked pretty easy. So, I decided to give it a try for Tasty Tuesday (or... err... Wednesday!)

The Plan:

Pepperoni Rolls

5 cups unbleached flour (I used half unbleached and half wheat)

1 1/4 cup Sugar

1 pk active dry yeast

1 1/2 c warm water

1/2 cup dried milk

1/4 cup oil

1 egg

Mozzarella cheese

Pepperoni

Mix all ingredients (except flour, pepperoni, and cheese) in a large bowl.

Add flour a cup at a time.

Set aside in a warm place, and let rise for one hour

Break off a piece of dough spread it out, and fill with pepperoni and cheese.

Fold dough over and seal

Bake on greased cookie sheet at 450 degrees for 8 minutes or until golden brown.

The Procedure:

I put all the ingredients into my Kitchen Aid mixer bowl. (Except flour, pepperoni, and cheese)

I slowly added the flour until it was all mixed through. Then I took it out of the mixer and kneaded it by hand for a bit. I put it in a bowl, and covered it with a damp cloth. Set the timer for an hour, and went and played with my little girl.

After the hour, the dough had risen a bit. I took it from the bowl and kneaded it a bit more. I floured the counter, and rolling pin so the dough didn't stick. I took a small amount of dough and rolled it out flat.

I put a little cheese, and about five or six pepperoni slices on each roll, and then sealed them shut my basically pinches the sides around the cheese/pepperoni. I used a small bowl of water to wet my fingers to rub it on the dough to help it stick.

I laid the seam side down on a greased cookie sheet, and put them in the oven at 450 degrees for about 18 minutes. I know the recipe only says 8 minutes, but I think I made my rolls WAY big. That's okay.. more to eat. ;)

The Product:

They turned out pretty good, though they are a bit dry and did get a bit over brown. I realized as I was making this post that I totally forgot the egg (Doh!). Other than that, they are yummy. ;) Bread, cheese, and pepperoni. You can't go wrong. My husband likes them, the kids like them Score!

BUT, they were nothing like my grandmother made. ;)

You can run, but you can't hide!

I found you, you sneaky little blog, you. I have started many a blog, but I put the most effort into this one. I had an awesome friend create a banner for it. I wrote a few posts in it, and I really really liked it. I really really did. But, I lost it.

How do you lose a blog, you ask? Well, for a while I had forgotten I started it. Ha! Then when I realized I totally couldn't live without blogging my thoughts, I couldn't remember what email address or password I used.. then one day it hit me! :) So, I am back! Ohhh.. yeah!

Much time has passed since I blogged last. A lot of things have happened. Some were life changing in a good way. (Like the birth of my baby girl!!) and some were horribly life changing in a bad way (like the death of my mother in law and grandmother).

I will blog in more detail about those events when I gather the inspiration. I have tons of thoughts I need to get out. So, be on the look out for a much more prolific blog! ;)