Birthday cake!

Today I made a birthday cake for Lilah's first birthday! (OMG, I can't believe she is going to be one)

It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I purchased a "doll cake" pan from Wilton, and it came out great!

The icing didn't come out exactly the color I wanted it, but I still don't think it looked so bad. The cake is boxed yellow cake mix, and the frosting is a homemade buttercream. :)

This was my first real attempt at baking a "decorated" cake. I always just purchased cakes from the store for birthdays, but I think I may begin making the kids cakes. A homemade cake is so much better than a store bought one!! :)

Spring Break!!

So, the boys are on Spring Break this week. We have been having a lot of fun spending time together. Having them home from school has allowed me to re-discover how fun (and tiring) the boys can be.

Here are some of my favorite pics from this week:

My little pricess learning to walk! :)

The trio at The Treehouse! Corey had so much fun. He was a bit scared about going because he had never been, and once we got there he said "You were right, Mommy. This isn't scarey at all" :)

Corey kept making sure his brother was getting down the slide okay. It was so sweet.

We went to the zoo on Monday, and the kids had the most fun just playing in the dirt. Tuesday we went to the park, same thing. So, I decided to just let them play in the dirt out front of our house. Lilah loved it! Here she is with a rock she found. :)

Dirty fun!

Even princesses like to get dirty! :)

More pics from our Easter Egg hunt to come!

I'm out like your mom in a beauty pageant..

So, here we are again. Moving time has come. I am SO happy to be moving from this place. Busy days are ahead prepping everything and everyone for our departure. This duty station has taught me so much. I have met some really awesome military spouses that I will miss dearly, and I have now had the pleasure (sarcasm here) of dealing with the "drama" that you always hear about when it comes to the military "lifestyle".

I mostly keep to myself, so the drama hasn't effected me much. But, I have heard/seen some pretty disturbing things. The "mean girls" seem to want to tear you to shreds if they think you are weak, or just not like them.

Its so sad.

I stop attending most of the get togethers because it generally turned into a gossip fest. No one was untouchable. Everyone was talked about. Everyone! I know I wasn't immune to the nastiness. I heard a few things that were said about me. One was that I must be a "bad parent" because my autistic son got lost, and the other was that my baby should have died because I was so "careless" to give birth at home. These are just the things that made it back to me, I am certain there is much more that was said. *eye roll*

Other than the gossip, there have been quite a few really messed up things that have happened.
In the ever-changing world of the military lifestyle, what should remain constant is our capacity to support each other, to meet someone where they are at, appreciating those who came before us to show the way, and pass on that same continuum of care to those struggling around us.
Perhaps we should remember this simple Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

Your birth is YOUR dance

So, I started this blog off thinking I would write an informative blog on cesarean births. I had included a brief history of cesarean birth, the reasons a c-section may be necessary, and some information that could possibly help a woman avoid a unnecessary surgical birth. I deleted it.

One day I may make that blog. Not today.

I am angry. I writing this blog without thinking. Without stopping. This will be true uninterrupted emotion. My real unedited feelings about the mistreatment of women.

Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time. We have been squatting to birth our babies in fields while our mothers, sisters, and aunts watch over us. We have learned the art of birthing by watching other women birth. Its natural. Its normal. Its safe!

But, women no longer know the truth. They have been lied to, mislead and abused in the name of obstetrics. Doctors are putting birth into a box. Labor has a time limit. The baby has a size limit. The mother has an age limit. Women are being told not to listen to their own internal voice. This have got to stop!!

We are not broken. We have not changed. The knowledge to birth her baby is inside of every woman! We do not need doctors to tell us what to do, and how to do it.

Stop telling women when to push, how to push, what position to push in. STOP! Women don't need be told how to do these things, we are mothers on an instinctual level from the moment of conception.

WE ARE NOT BROKEN! We were created to birth our babies!

Hindering birth hinders a mother from being the very best mother she can be. Labor is a dance between mother and child. The mother gives a little, the baby gives a little and together they do it! When you force the mother to do the Cha-Cha when she and baby really wants to do the Rumba, you are cheating her out of the very first lesson of motherhood. And, we wonder why mothers are struggling to mother their babies.

What further infuriates me is that women aren't given the information to make a truly informed decision in regards to the birth of her child. I hear so often the misinformation and lies told to women by the very doctor who promised to "first do no harm"

Ladies, listen to me! We can't allow this to happen. Please stand up for yourself. Educate yourself. Do NOT just trust your doctor or midwife. Do you own research, but more importantly LISTEN to your instincts. Listen to your baby, listen to your body! You have all the knowledge that is needed to labor and birth on your own.

We need to take birth back! It doesn't belong to hospitals or doctors. It doesn't belong to midwives! It belongs to the mother and the baby.

Trust Birth Conference 2010 - Can you handle the truth?

I just got back from the Trust Birth Conference, and my mind is filled with things to reflect. I didn't get to attend many of the sessions due to the fact that Lilah wanted to be Ms. Chatty Cathy. But, you know what? It didn't matter. Just BEING THERE was amazing! I sat in the halls and got to talk with the most fascinating women I have ever met. I picked the brains of women who have been in the birth field for longer than I have been alive. I shared my birth stories with women who laughed and cried with me. My faith in being "with woman" has been restored. But, you know what I learned most from the conference?

TO SPREAD TRUTH!!

I used to be very vocal about my thoughts and opinions in regards to birth, breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines and natural parenting, but for the last few years I have kind of kept quiet. I just wanted to keep the peace in hopes of making a few local friends. So, when the subject of birth or breastfeeding came up I would mostly keep quiet. But, no more. I can not allow all the lies that are out there to continue to be spread. It's not fair for women today, and it isn't fair for my daughter and her generation! I will stand up for TRUTH! I will be vocal, I will be loud, and most likely I will be disliked, and talked about. But, I don't care. I would rather someone hate me for who I am, than like me for who I am not.

I have so many thoughts that need to come out, and I plan to blog about them. I can't keep it in any longer!!

So, can you handle the truth??

Imperfect Parenting

Two mornings ago, I was a horrible, terrible, no good Mommy. I didn‘t want to get out of bed. I wanted to cover my head, roll over and sleep in. I longed for my teenage years when I could sleep until 12, drink until 2 and not take care of anyone but myself. As, I was drifting in and out of sleep, a harsh reality came to me. It was cold and wet, and smelled of pickles. Actually, it was Patrick bringing me the pickle jar to open. He, apparently, thought 6 am was a fine time for pickles.

I sighed and sat up. It was time to face the responsibility of motherhood. Meanwhile, Patrick is still attempting to eat the breakfast of champions by opening the pickle jar, which of course (you know it couldn’t happen any other way) spills all over my bed. I scream at him and immediately feel guilty. I shoo him away and attempt to clean up the mess. My screaming wakes Lilah, and she isn’t happy to be woken up in such a manner. (Join the crew, kid!)


So, Lilah is screaming, Patrick is crying, and I am attempting to wash the linen that is covered in the sweet smell of garlic pickles. From the kitchen I hear Corey saying very loudly “Oh no, it’s a mess’ I pour the laundry detergent into the washer, say a quick prayer to every god, saint and deity I know that it will be a small mess, and head into the kitchen. It’s no small mess. Almost an entire gallon of milk spilled onto the floor.


I am still not even fully awake yet. I want to cry over spilled milk. Whoever coined the saying “No sense crying over spilled milk” must not have been dealing with sleep deprivation, cranky children, and female hormones. I don’t cry, I scream. Again.

I clean up the milk, make the boys breakfast, and sit down. Ahh, I can relax for a moment. But, a screaming baby reminds me that I had forgotten about her, and I better get my butt up before she does something as drastic as scream even louder.

I go back upstairs to get Lilah out of the playpen. She is screaming her tiny, little, sweet head off. I pick her up, calm her down and find clothes for the boys to wear to school. I go back downstairs to get Patrick dressed, and attempt to put Lilah down. She is having none of that. A babies cry gets to me. It really does. Every fiber in my being is caterwauling at me to make it stop. So, what do I do with my precious little tot? I scream at her!

Are there any living beings that will be spared by my wrath? Watch out guinea pigs, you’re next!

I managed to scream at the boys two more times before getting them out the door to school. I felt awful all day. I have been screaming at them a lot more than I would like lately, and it sucks.

When you have grown up constantly being yelled at or hit for doing anything from just getting in the way, to something serious, its very hard to parent a different way. But, I try.

I know I shouldn‘t yell at my children. It isn’t effective in any manner, and is most likely harmful. Yelling isn’t discipline. It’s just a means for me to get my frustration out, and its not fair to my children for me to take my frustration out on them. Discipline should be calm, and gentle. Discipline has a nurturing tone of voice. Discipline teaches through communication. When a parent disciplines a child for acting unacceptably they are teaching their child why the behavior is unacceptable, not just that it is. Children are people too. I don’t believe they should be scolded or reprimanded. They should not be made to feel shamed or belittled. Yelling makes children feel all of those things. Yelling makes good kids feel like bad kids. A child should be talked to and with, not ever at.

But I am not perfect. Each and every day I attempt to be a better person than I was they day before. Some days I succeed, some days I fail. Some days I fail miserably. That day was one of those days. Today is a new day. I will move on (and so will my children) and I will try to do better. I am a perfectly imperfect parent!

Tasty Tuesday Part 1

This week I decided to do two Tasty Tuesday post.

The first one is of a yummy potato soup that I made for dinner and the second one is yet to come. Here is the recipe:

THE PLAN:

This savory low fat crock pot recipe is easy to assemble in the morning, then cook all day. Cream cheese and a sprinkling of bacon provide richness. Serve with a green salad and crusty bread. A healthy crock pot recipe bound to receive compliments.


Potato Soup

8 cups diced potatoes

1/2 cup chopped onion

3 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) chicken broth

1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, cubed

1/2 pound sliced bacon, cooked and crumbled (optional)

Snipped chives (optional)



In a crock pot, combine the first 5 ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours or until potatoes are tender. Add cream cheese; stir until blended. Garnish with bacon and chives if desired.



Yield 12 servings (3 quarts)

THE PROCEDURE:

Here is what you will need!

Begin by peeling and chopping the potatoes. I used about 10 small/medium ones to make it to eight cups.

Next cut the onion, I used about a half of onion.

Then I took all the ingredients (except the cream cheese) and threw them into the crock pot. I added a little extra pepper than the recipe called, and a few other spices that can not be revealed. (Not because they are secret, but becaust I don't remember, LOL!)  I also added a can of cheddar cheese soup by Campells at the suggestion of a friend. I stirred it all together and turned the crock pot on low for eight hours.

 My house was smelling scrumdiddlyumptious by the time dinner rolled around. The next step involved dropping the cream cheese into the hot soup. At first I was a little leary of the cream cheese, and when I put it into the soup it lumped up and made me even more unsure. I turned up the heat on the crock pot and just kept stirring until it was all melted. I had tasted the soup before the cream cheese, and it was good but the addition of the cream cheese made it YUMMO! I had some pre-cooked bacon that I threw into the microwave for a few seconds, crumbled it and put it on top.

 

 

 

 THE PRODUCT:

My husband also made a yummy salad, and I had purchased some pre-made wheat rolls that I heated.

 This soup was very good, and I will be making it again! :)

Trust Birth Conference 2010

It's March 1st! It's March 1st! Eck! It's MARCH!! What's the big deal about March, you ask? It means very soon I will be flying out to California and attending the Trust Birth Conference . Yipee! I am so super excited. Oh, you couldn't tell? Well..

YAY!

Yipee!

Woo hoo!

Awesome!!
Ahhh!!

Yay!

See, I am excited. ;) But, seriously, I think this is going to be life changing. I have never been to California, so that is one reason to be excited. I will be around thousands of women who TRUST BIRTH, or wish to trust birth more, reason two! Not one person will look at me like I am a nutso when I share my birth story, reason three. Oh, I could go on and on. Hmm.. I think I will. It's my blog, so nana nana boo boo! (Stick your head in doodoo)

I also get to see my wonderful friend Heather, who I love and miss dearly, and her precious baby girl, Eliza.

Very, very excited.

Look what is going to be on the agenda... these are the sessions I choose for my first choice:

Track 1 A. Panel: Trusting in Unassisted and Free birth


Track 2 C. Kristi Zittle: Updated Vaccination Truth—Natural Immunity

Track 3 D. Sheila Stubbs: Unbecoming Baby Lies

Track 4 D. Gloria Lemay & Kristi Zittle: Circumcision—Trust the Facts

Track 5 E. Doran Richards: Erasing Fear; Embracing Truth

Track 6 D. Kristi Zittle:Autism: Insights:Causes,Treatments,Prevention

Track 7 A. Panel: Licensure—Planning to Practice With or Without

Track 8 B. Dr. Elliott Berlin, DC: 20/20: Lowering the Ces. Section rate

Track 9 A. Debbie Sapp: Birth Truth and your Birth Business

Learning about freebirth, autism, vaccinations, lowering the c-section rate, birth truth, and business tips for my future ventures as a midwife. Ahh, sweet bliss!!
 
Wooohooo!!
 
Yippee!!
 
Ahhhhhh!!!

A cup of comfort.. or maybe not.

 Today while mindlessly browsing the book store, I picked up a book titled "A Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Autism" It was one of those "Chicken Soup" knock off books. I purchased it thinking it may have some touching stories in it that would provide me with a bit of "comfort". Lately, I've really been having a hard time with dealing with my emotions in regards to Patrick. It has been over six years since getting the official diagnosis, and I still have these moments that hit me hard.

I decided to read the book while taking a hot bath. I browsed through the book and read several of the stories. Each of the stories were meant to be stories of hope. Not for me. Each of these stories left me feeling a little more hopeless.

You see, as parents, we compare our children. It's inevitable. We see a baby the same age of ours walking, and wonder why our child is happily crawling around. I do try very hard not to compare my kids to others, but it is hard. I have given up on comparing Patrick to neuro typical children, but I still catch myself comparing him to other autistic children.

Well, while reading this book... each and every story I read had a child in it that was younger than mine and more capable than mine. The kids were talking, and singing in a play, having friends sleep over, and making friends at the playground. My son has done none of that.

I know.. I know.. he will do it on his own time. But, will he?

Recently, I posted a facebook status saying something like "Today it hit me that my son may never go to a school dance, talk, use the potty unassisted, blah.. blah.." and I got a response that was something like "But, you don't know that he won't do those things'

True.

I don't know what the future holds for my little guy.

But, as a mother of a child with severe autism, I have to think about these things. While parents of typical children are setting up college funds, we are setting up funds for Patrick to be taken care of when we pass away. Because, the truth is. He may never be able to take care of himself. Yes, I would like for him to do everything on his own but that isn't likely.

I hate whining. I don't want to be the type that seems to be always complaining about her special needs child. Patrick is my world, and I love and accept him for who he is.

*sigh* So, this "cup of comfort" was nothing but.

Tasty Tuesday!!

Yes, I know it is Wednesday.. BUT.. I love cooking and baking, and I just don't do it often enough for the pure enjoyment of it. Sure, I cook dinner nearly every day, but that's usually just to keep the family fed.

I want to cook more for enjoyment, and I want to blog more. Two birds, one stone. TASTY TUESDAYS!!

Today I decided to make Pepperoni Rolls.

When I lived in West Virginia, they sold the most delicious Pepperoni Rolls at a gas station (I think it was in Harrisville). I have never been able to find them anywhere outside of the state of WV, but in an attempt to mimic them my grandmother made them from me once. One word: Heaven!!

I was never able to get the recipe that my grandmother used, but one day I was searching the recipe app on my phone and I stumbled across one that looked pretty easy. So, I decided to give it a try for Tasty Tuesday (or... err... Wednesday!)

The Plan:

Pepperoni Rolls

5 cups unbleached flour (I used half unbleached and half wheat)

1 1/4 cup Sugar

1 pk active dry yeast

1 1/2 c warm water

1/2 cup dried milk

1/4 cup oil

1 egg

Mozzarella cheese

Pepperoni

Mix all ingredients (except flour, pepperoni, and cheese) in a large bowl.

Add flour a cup at a time.

Set aside in a warm place, and let rise for one hour

Break off a piece of dough spread it out, and fill with pepperoni and cheese.

Fold dough over and seal

Bake on greased cookie sheet at 450 degrees for 8 minutes or until golden brown.

The Procedure:

I put all the ingredients into my Kitchen Aid mixer bowl. (Except flour, pepperoni, and cheese)

I slowly added the flour until it was all mixed through. Then I took it out of the mixer and kneaded it by hand for a bit. I put it in a bowl, and covered it with a damp cloth. Set the timer for an hour, and went and played with my little girl.

After the hour, the dough had risen a bit. I took it from the bowl and kneaded it a bit more. I floured the counter, and rolling pin so the dough didn't stick. I took a small amount of dough and rolled it out flat.

I put a little cheese, and about five or six pepperoni slices on each roll, and then sealed them shut my basically pinches the sides around the cheese/pepperoni. I used a small bowl of water to wet my fingers to rub it on the dough to help it stick.

I laid the seam side down on a greased cookie sheet, and put them in the oven at 450 degrees for about 18 minutes. I know the recipe only says 8 minutes, but I think I made my rolls WAY big. That's okay.. more to eat. ;)

The Product:

They turned out pretty good, though they are a bit dry and did get a bit over brown. I realized as I was making this post that I totally forgot the egg (Doh!). Other than that, they are yummy. ;) Bread, cheese, and pepperoni. You can't go wrong. My husband likes them, the kids like them Score!

BUT, they were nothing like my grandmother made. ;)

You can run, but you can't hide!

I found you, you sneaky little blog, you. I have started many a blog, but I put the most effort into this one. I had an awesome friend create a banner for it. I wrote a few posts in it, and I really really liked it. I really really did. But, I lost it.

How do you lose a blog, you ask? Well, for a while I had forgotten I started it. Ha! Then when I realized I totally couldn't live without blogging my thoughts, I couldn't remember what email address or password I used.. then one day it hit me! :) So, I am back! Ohhh.. yeah!

Much time has passed since I blogged last. A lot of things have happened. Some were life changing in a good way. (Like the birth of my baby girl!!) and some were horribly life changing in a bad way (like the death of my mother in law and grandmother).

I will blog in more detail about those events when I gather the inspiration. I have tons of thoughts I need to get out. So, be on the look out for a much more prolific blog! ;)